Adventure Travel Online

I say there, isn't that Julian?

If the Italian Dolomites had a shy younger brother, then he’d look like the Julian Alps – rather handsome, slightly shorter, though not as popular due to a more reclusive upbringing. Alun Davies bops off to the Julian Alps with a budget of £70 and a tin of processed pork to climb the highest peak in Slovenia.

But more to the point, just what the hell is this compulsion with tinned meat and what is a SPAM Challenge?

So what’s a SPAM Challenge

Take one foolhardy volunteer, a budget of £70 and a tin of pork. With just the usual bulging sack of outdoor gear, they’ve gotta fly somewhere nice, do something outdoorsy and somehow get home again. Begging for crusts, foraging in the wilds, sleeping in bogs; that’s real travel. That’s the Adventure Travel SPAM Challenge.

The Challenge is on

A year ago almost to the day, I set out on a trip to Chamonix with a tin of SPAM, a budget of £70 and Gav (Gav gets a £70 budget too). We didn’t expect to play a part in the first earthquake to hit that part of the French Alps in over 100 years, nor did we reckon on being rock climbing the moment it happened. But we did, and timed it to perfection, hanging on to a slender pinnacle of rock as the earth went jive crazy to the tune of 5.2 on the Richter Scale. Sometimes you just get lucky, or at least that was my journalistic take on things. Gav, on the other hand, was convinced we were going to snuff it, he’s such a drama queen when it comes to death.

Alas, a story of such magnitude, where I could document blood, broken bones and our eventual demise, was not to be, and so with a follow up scoop in mind we decided to take on the second biggest rock face in the Alps, the North Wall of Triglav, in the Julian Alps of Slovenia and we’d do it Spam style. Yummy.

Midnight

It’s the night before the SPAM challenge kicks off and there’s a terrorist problem. One of the SPAM tactics is to pack all heavy equipment in carry on luggage to avoid weight surcharges on checked in bags. Problem is airport security are freaking over hand luggage. Do Osama and the boys use handbags, I wonder. Ah well, I’ll get back to that in the morning, bed now. Oh, one last thing, the flights cost £29 return.

Day One

Midday

It’s midday and I’m at Stansted and Gav’s impressed. This time last year I was heading towards the wrong airport until I phoned him up to tell him I’d be late and he directed me to the right airport. It’s amazing how much you can change in 12 months if you look inside yourself and read timetables.

12.02

Now, here’s a good tip for all you SPAMmers on how to get around the weight surcharges at Stansted airport. If you check in a big rucksack with loads of loose straps flapping around you’ll be told to take it to the ‘oversize’ check in desk. But you’ll be told to do this after it’s been weighed in. So… you’ve guessed it…just have your mate standing around the corner out of site with all the heavy gear and re-pack after the weigh in. Simple. Not that we’d do such a thing or advise you to either, but it’s worth knowing.

12.30

I’ve just had two lighters confiscated by security staff who were paying such close attention to my 50p Bics that Gav has strolled through with his, unchallenged. I feel like a victim. Gav, sensing my deprived status, cheers me up by giving me one of his.

12.45

It’s a fact that Slovenia accounts for most of the World’s known deforestation. The reason I know this is that we’ve just changed our money - £40 - and been handed back a roll of Slovenian notes that, if laid end to end, would encircle the globe three times. I do, however, feel like a playboy swanning around with a thick wad of dosh. Gav has just started going on about his theory on ‘carbon neutral currency’.. ‘What was that Gav?’

1.30

Just paid £2.25 for a coffee in the Caviar House café so that I can have a cigarette in their smoking zone. Puffing away in an airport is becoming expensive alright, but then I’ve just been given a second cup of cappuccino for free. What’s going on? I ask the girl ‘what’s the deal with the second cup?’, and she replies ‘I tried out the machine to see how frothy I could get it and thought of you’. The romance is on.

1.32

The romance is off.

2.50

We’re sitting in the plane, somewhere above France, and Gav has just turned to look at me with a most concerned look on his face. ‘Did you know Alun, that you’re not covered by standard travel insurance for death repatriation and that it costs about £12,000 to get your body back home?’ I mirror his concerned look and reply ‘no’. What the hell is on his mind?

3.15

The stewardesses have just turned up with the duty free ‘gifts’ trolley and ask if we’re interested in some cut price heated eyelash curlers . I feel a need to tell them we’re hardcore climbers and only do that kinda stuff on Friday nights. Nice colours though.

4.13

We’re standing in Ljubljana International Airport, which looks as if it was kitted out for a plastic fetish party during a particularly uninspired year in the 1960’s. Some nice mountain views outside the font door, I’m getting excited.

4.30

It’s very, very hot and sunny and the forecast for the next few days looks good. Ah, there’s the transport to Bled...got to run.

Lake Bled - what a lovely place

7.00

We’ve just arrived in a campsite in Bled and pitched our tents in the only part of the field that’s a couple of inches deep in mud just to let everyone know we’re hardcore and not to be messed with. Also, we can’t be bothered to move.

7.30

I’ve decided I love the spaciousness of my Litewave tent. For some reason, which needs more exploring, Gav and I have been discussing the relative space/weight values of tents and come to the conclusion that there is no lighter weight tent on the market with a porch big enough to shoot a porn movie in.

11.00

I’m just sort of drifting off to sleep here as our fellow campers are singing ‘Hey Jude’ around an open fire just up the field. And Rod Stewart’s ‘Do you think I’m Sexy’ is being blasted out by someone in the caravan section, perhaps it is Rod.

Our Camp - another lovely place

Day Two

9.00am

Gav, the early hardcore bird, has just given me a shout and told me he’s bought coffee, gas, milk, sugar and apricot croissants. The man is a hero; I bet he’s out there, firing up the stove dressed in some sort of cape and tights. Breakfast Man.

9.30

Gav’s not as hardcore as he makes out; he’s just gone for a shower. What’s that all about? Anyway, just spoken to a Slovenian guy who’s confirmed the weather forecast is spot on and that the North Face of Triglav is full of ‘shit’. Presumably that’s climber’s shit, as in loads of loose rock. One can only hope.

12.00 Midday

So here we are, sat outside a refuge near Triglav looking at the full extent of the North Face. Man, it’s big, over 800m of vertical limestone and it’s about three miles wide. Looks like we’ll be spending a night somewhere up there on a ledge. And we’ve a small problem, we’ve not been able to find a ‘topo’ (a route description and diagram) but there is a big board outside the refuge with hand painted dotted lines indicating the various routes up the face. In a flash of inspiration (desperation) we decide to take a photo of the board on Gav’s digital camera and use that as our topo.

Route map - I've climbed with better

12.30

We’ve decided to stay at the refuge - it’s very cheap but I can‘t remember how cheap - and I’ve just asked the guardian if there are any beds. She said ‘yes‘, I think. There is something about her manner that leads me to think she’d be good at starring in violent scenes in something like… ‘Prisoner Cell Block H’.

2.00

We’re half way up a mountain doing a recon of our proposed route, which is fortunate, because we’re up the wrong mountain and it would have been a bit of a bugger if we’d gone this way tomorrow. As it happens we’ve found ourselves on a via ferrata with some fab views.

3.00

Gav’s forgotten to bring any water, the fact that I’ve left mine down at the refuge is not the issue, he needs to be better prepared. Anyway we’re feeling dehydrated, it’s a long way back down and I suspect there could be violent consequences for anyone who doesn’t get to the refuge before lights out.

4.00

Just stopped for a drink at a river flowing down the valley and watched a guy taking photographs of a girl swinging on a big karabiner - honest. She’s busy pouting like Princess Di - perhaps it is her - and he’s acting like some Hollywood director with a casting couch on his mind.

8.00

And so to bed, we have a big day tomorrow and the hut commandant is still scaring the hell out of me. In fairness she has been smiling a bit tonight, but I noticed it was only on occasions such as when I discovered there was no beef in my goulash. Will start the charm offensive in the morning.

Day Three

6am

Hello, good morning and I’m feeling kinda charming. Everyone in the refuge is awake and scurrying around. There doesn’t look to be any other climbers about, so I guess that everyone else is taking on one of the via ferrata routes to the summit. Anyway, we’ve just packed all our gear and it appears we’ve both assumed we’re going to bivi on the face for about a week. I can’t even walk with the weight of all this stuff, let alone climb. I’m going to have to tell Gav that we’ve got to go lightweight and do it in a day - this gear is staying in the refuge.

6.15

Gav’s agreed that we’ll go for it in a day but his pack doesn’t look any smaller. Mind you, he did say something about a couple of dozen muesli bars and a week’s supply of reading matter.

7.15

We’re standing below the huge North Face and Gav’s just told me he’s only packed one litre of water but he does have about six thermal layers and two sleeping mats. That’s a very interesting gear selection which sort of suggests to me he’s banking on us not making the climb in a day and going to be after my water very soon.

Just above the 'shit'

7.30

At the start of the climb, and there’s four other guys mooching around. One of them, a Slovenian, walks over and asks what route we’re planning on doing. We tell him and he replies ‘that’s full of fucking shit’. There’s a theme developing here.

7.45

We’re off and there’s one old rusty peg protecting us on a thin traverse along the first pitch. This could all be over before it begins, I‘d better put this pen and notebook away and concentrate on the next 30 metres..

8.15

We’re up to our ankles in ‘shit’. We’re scrambling up a very steep gully chocka with loose rock, boulders and scree, the world is moving under our feet. The firmer hand holds detach after about three seconds and…bloody hell this place is just full of ‘shit’.

Gav taking a strole at the mid point

9.15

Making good time, I think. The route is not obvious and it’s very easy to wander off line on a cliff face of this size and complexity, even more so when your only guide is a hand painted image on a digital camera screen. There are climbing lines going off all over the place and we’re getting pretty good at taking the wrong ones which could be down to Gav looking at old family photos more than the topo. So, there you have it, we’re climbing the second largest face in the Alps and being guided by snaps of last weeks family outing in Surrey.

11.30

The climbing’s getting a lot better, not so much loose stuff and there’s a long way between us and the ground which is our way of coming to the conclusion that we‘re going up. But where is everyone else? This route is supposed to be the most popular rock climbing route in Slovenia and it leads to the summit of their highest peak and yet we’re on our own.

A nice little traverse

4.00

Right, that was a bit airy. We’ve just shuffled across a 30m long traverse as narrow as a window ledge with about 650m of fresh air between our legs and lots of loose rock underfoot. Fantastic, but a slip would have resulted in a mega pendulum swing and some nice flesh ripping confrontations with jagged limestone protrusions. Time for a snack.

5.00

Now then, we’re seriously off route, lost on the upper part of the face and wedged in a blind corner that’s just about big enough to take the both of us and the belay is very dodgy. Oh, and look at that; there’s the full extent of the North Face dropping away beneath my toes. Gav’s just been checking out the rock above and decides it’s a lot more difficult than anything on his digital camera indicates which isn’t surprising as he’s looking at a photo of the North Downs.

5.20

Fair play to the boy, he took the lead and we’ve just come across the main route again, or at least we think we have. Just one thing though, next time he leads and doesn’t place any gear to protect his climbing second from certain death from a fall I’ll have to have words. Okay Gav?

7.00

That’s it; we’ve made it to the top. Now what? Do we head back down on a via ferrata or spend the night in one of the refuges up here. The book time says it’s a three hour descent. We decide to have a bar of Milka chocolate and see where that takes us.

Start of the via ferrata descent

9.00

This is cool… descending via ferrata by the lights of our head torches. First time I’ve ever done this and it’s a lot more fun than I thought it would be.

10.00

Game over; we’re back at the refuge and the commandant has just said that we’re too late for food…I also think she wants to spank us. Who cares, we’re hardcore and have a tin of SPAM.

Game over and in need of a drink

Author’s note

The official grading of the Slovenian Route up the North Face of Triglav is a European grade 3+, which is easy in rock climbing terms. However, this is a huge face with lots of opportunities to find yourself off route and on pitches more like grade 5 and above. Also, if you’re not used to climbing big multi pitch routes the intimidation factor, especially when you’re up against the clock, should not be underestimated. If you fancy the climb, take a rack, whilst there are a couple of random rusty pegs, this is not a bolted European route.

Authors confession

This is getting to be a bit of a habit, but once again I have to say we failed the SPAM challenge by overspending. We were able to get to Slovenia, climb Triglav and make it back to Ljubljana by staying within the rules, but then we found a blues club with a cash point outside….I woke up this morning; unfortunately.

Shortly before the budget got burned in Ljubjana

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